Flirting comes effortlessly to some of us. Remember Joey’s “How you doin” line? For others, it can be unnecessarily stressful. There’s a full episode of the Friends sitcom about how Ross can’t flirt… When you’re flirting over text, the awkwardness can multiply.
You want to send that text but waiting for a reply makes you panic. Will your message come across the way you intend it to? After all, your tone, your expressions… they’re missing from a text message. You need advice from someone better than wikihow. So, here are a few tips on starting a conversation that could bring you to your next date with your crush.
How to initiate a flirty conversation over text?
Whether you’re a man or a woman, you don’t have to wait for the other person to initiate a flirting text conversation. Anyone can take the lead on texting a guy or girl in a flirty way. Here are some things you can do while texting that your crush will really love:
Do what feels natural to you. Flirting isn’t a switch you put on and off but rather a dial that should be gradually turned up. So, for example, start a conversation by asking about his/her day, commenting on the latest episode of a show you know he/she watches, think of it as a regular conversation, flirting comes later.
Once your conversation gets going, you can turn the dial up and toss in a flirty one-liner. If you get the response you expect, then great, you know you’re on the right path and you can pick up the pace.
Ask genuine questions
Starting a conversation with the question, “how are you?”, is fine, though it might make you come across as lazy. You need to show your willingness to put effort into your flirt texts. Instead, ask a question that is linked to their life, to subjects they have shown interest in earlier, or to experiences you have shared. Here are a few alternative questions to the “how are you?” opener.
- “Did you try the cheesecake I was talking about?”
- “Are you free tonight to make some Bolognese?”
- Send them a picture of something you did together with the message “Remember this…”
What to say in a flirty text?
Everyone has a different way of flirting. You can make yourself sound cute or funny or playful… What’s important is to flirt in a style that complements your personality and dating profile. You can’t pretend to be someone else when it comes to love, even over text.
On that note, here is what you could try:
- “Stop distracting me! I have so much to do!”
This is a message that’s lighthearted and funny. Sending this message in the middle of a working day lets the other person know you’re thinking of them.
- “It’s so hot today – almost as hot as you”
Here’s a message that’s complementary and flirty without being too corny. Depending on the rest of your conversation, this could also lighten the mood.
- “Last night was so much fun! 😉”
If you’ve already had a date or two, this is a message that makes your feelings known without seeming too forward. It also creates an opening to set a date for your next meeting.
- “What do you say to going away somewhere for the weekend?”
This is an open-ended message that makes your intentions known and leaves plenty of room for fantasies.
- “Tell me a secret that no one else knows”
This is ideal for a late-night flirt text exchange when your kids are asleep and there’s nothing to disturb your conversation. Secrets don’t have to be sensual, whatever they tell you will make you feel closer to each other.
What are flirty things to say over text?
As a general rule of thumb, when you’re sending flirting text messages from your phone, short and sweet is the way to go. A short message encourages a rapid conversation while a lengthy message may require some time to reply to. You don’t want it to feel like an email. As to the tonality of your texts, here are some tips that can help:
Flirting is intended to be a cheerful exchange of messages. Instead of talking about subjects that are heavy and serious, choose lighthearted subjects and maintain a positive vibe.
- I just heard some great news. Can’t wait to meet you and tell you all about it.
- I checked out the book you were mentioning. How did you know I would like it?
Honest flattery and flirting go hand in hand. Use characteristics and things you like about the other person to flirt with them.
- I have to confess, whenever I see a message from you, I automatically start smiling.
- There’s a character in this movie that looks a lot like you. Of course, you’re much cuter.
Use photos and emojis
Emojis are cute so use them! They are meant to reinforce the message you’re trying to put across. Just don’t go overboard and make sure they’re appropriate. Using the naughty devil emojis in your first message may come across as a little too forward.
- They make me think of you 💐
- I’ve been waiting to hear from you 😍
Reference your next meeting
As you flirt, give the other person something to look forward to. Nothing tells a person that you’re interested in them like asking them for another date. Talk about new, fun things you want to do when you meet next.
- I know you’re busy but do you have an evening free for me?
- I bought a new dress today. Can’t wait to wear it when we go dancing.
When the timing is right, don’t be afraid to get a little PG-13
When you’re dating a single dad, after you’ve been on a few dates, you can risk being risque with this guy. Add quotes to hint towards something more. Quotes imply a double meaning.
- I can’t wait to be alone with you again
- Finished a workout and heading in for a shower – just thought I’d let you know.
- I woke up really “thirsty” after seeing you last night.
How do you flirt innocently over text?
When you’re flirting over text, you need to know what to do as well as what not to do. You need to ensure that your intentions are conveyed without coming on too strong. Some of the Do’s and Don’ts to keep in mind are:
- DO text back quickly
Irrespective of whether the other person responds to your flirty texts positively or negatively, don’t ghost them. In general, it is best to answer in a relatively quick amount of time. If you’ve been ghosted, here’s some advice to help you recover from ghosting.
- DON’T Mis-text
We’re all adults here. You can’t send a flirt text and then pretend it was a mistake just to arouse the other person’s curiosity. Only say what you are willing to take ownership of.
- DO take a chance
Having a child that you’re responsible for might tempt you to play safe. But flirting is all about putting yourself out there. Don’t be afraid of being a little cheeky once in a while or dropping hints about taking your relationships forward.
- DON’T text under the influence
Sending a flirty text after you’ve had a couple of glasses of wine is never a good idea. You might text things you otherwise would hesitate over and create an impression that doesn’t match your true personality.
- DO have fun
Flirting texts are intended to be light-hearted and make the other person smile. It shouldn’t feel like an email. Write texts that are fun, engaging, sexy and likely to make the other person happy.
- DON’T dwell on the past
You took a risk with a flirty text and let’s say it didn’t go the way you thought it would. It’s ok. Don’t apologize repeatedly or say things like “I’m such an idiot”. This only makes you look needy.
- DO be aware of context
If it’s the morning and you know he/she might be at work, say something like, “Hey, I know you are probably at work this morning, so feel free to respond later, but I was just thinking…”