How To Keep Conversations Going

Picture this, you’ve exchanged hellos, ordered coffee and suddenly there’s an awkward silence enveloping you. If you don’t find something to talk about soon, your date could go downhill. Silences can be awkward even when you’re having a text conversation.

As a single parent, dating and holding an adult conversation on topics other than your kids can sometimes be challenging. So, what do you talk about and how do you brush the awkwardness off? Here are a few tips to keep conversations flowing smoothly:

Starting a conversation

First things first, we’ve got to spark a conversation that goes beyond a ‘Hello’. If you’re not too confident about your conversation skills, it’s a good idea to plan your date around an activity. Go to a museum or an art gallery, challenge them to a hike or go bowling. Activities are natural icebreakers. Here’s some more help:

Ask questions you’re genuinely curious about

Show interest in your date with your body language and what you say. Make eye contact with your date, smile and avoid crossing your arms and legs. Moving on to verbal communication, jumpstart a conversation by talking about topics connected to your date that you’re curious about. Let’s say you know your date just moved to town, you could ask about the move and how the two cities are different. Such questions show interest and give your date a comfortable topic to talk about. You could also ask questions about:

• What they do at work
• The kind of music they like
• The latest movie

Find common ground

You agreed to a date because there’s something about the person’s dating profile that you connected with. You might both like dogs or enjoy swimming. If common ground wasn’t apparent in your date’s profile, talk about your interests and listen carefully to find some common ground. New relationships can be strengthened on shared experiences and interests. If you can’t think of anything at all, talk about where you are – the city, traffic, your favourite coffee shop…

Pick the right time

Sometimes a lull in the conversation isn’t because you don’t have something to talk about but because the timing just isn’t right. Your date may have a meeting to get to that’s playing on their mind. If you’re having a conversation over text, the single dad you’re dating may be with his family. So, when you’re starting a conversation, make sure your timing is right. It doesn’t hurt to ask, “I hope you don’t have anywhere you need to be” or “Is it a good time to talk?”

Tips to Keep In-Person Conversations Flowing

Let’s take a closer look at in-person conversations. It’s important to note that your verbal communication in such conversations is as important as your non-verbal communication. If you keep looking at your watch, your date might think that you’re not really interested in them. Here are a few tips to avoid awkward silences and keep face-to-face conversations flowing.

Listen and respond

For a conversation to flow smoothly, you need to listen attentively to what your date is saying. Don’t worry so much about what you’re going to say next. People want to feel heard, especially single mums. After pandering to their children’s needs all day, they want your attention on a date. So, listen carefully and respond accordingly. If you’re a good listener, your date will find it easier to open up about themselves and talk.

Pay compliments

When you don’t know what to say, a compliment is always a good segway. People love being complimented. To make this a take-off point for your conversation, build on it with an open-ended question or an anecdote.

For example, let’s say you complimented your date on their outfit, “that dress looks really good on you”. You could follow this by asking them where they got it. Or, compliment them on picking a great place for a date and follow it up with an anecdote about how you enjoy trying new places in town.

Ask open-ended questions

Dates are meant to get to know the other person better, but you don’t want conversations to feel like questionnaires. Try to keep your questions as open-ended as you can. Instead of asking them if they’ve watched a particular sitcom, ask them what they’re watching on Netflix these days. Open-ended questions like this not only give them something to talk about rather than reply in monosyllables, they also show that you’re interested in them.

Keeping text conversation flowing

Your date went well and, in all likelihood, your conversation moves to chatting on the online dating app. Exchanging messages is a good way to keep the spark alive between dates. While everyone types at different speeds, a long pause in a conversation can get uncomfortable. It might feel like you’re being ghosted. So what do you do –

Be direct

While texting is convenient and lets you have conversations even when you’re apart, it is unidimensional and things often get lost in translation. Your tone, expressions, body language, etc. are missing from text messages.

You might think you’re being funny, but the person doesn’t get your joke and doesn’t know how to respond. It’s best to be direct about whatever you want to say. Emojis are a great way to make conversations more lively but remember, they can be often misunderstood. What you read as a fist bump may be read as a punch by the other person!

Refer to in-person meetings

If you can’t think of something to say when you’re texting, refer to your last date. If you listened to your date, you should have quite a few points to talk about. For example:

• I heard the song you were talking about the other day. It’s got a great beat.
• I just passed by the café we met in. It made me smile.
• I remember you said you had a meeting today. How did it go?

Topics you can’t go wrong with

If talking to new people is a challenge for you, it helps to plan ahead. Keep a few icebreakers in mind. Knowing what topics are safe to venture into helps too. For example, you don’t really want to talk politics on a date. Differing political views can take an otherwise pleasant date off track. Similarly, you don’t want to bring up your exes. Here are a few things you can safely talk about.

Childhood stories

Without diving too deep into your childhood and family, you can always bring up anecdotes about growing up. Everyone has stories about university, learning how to drive, sports, and so on. Talking about how you grew up gives your date an insight into your upbringing and gives them a chance to respond with similar stories.

Hobbies

Everyone wants to talk about their hobbies. It’s a good topic to open up conversations and you might even discover common ground here. If you’re not sure of what they’re passionate about, ask them how they spend their weekends. Or, you could talk about your hobbies.

Work

If your date has a job, talking about it can help you get to know them better. Ask them about their professional goals, what they enjoy most about their job or what made them decide on their career path. Of course, if they don’t show signs that work is a source of stress, you could redirect the conversation to another topic.

Travel

Most people like travelling, or at least the thought of travelling. You could ask your date what their ideal holiday looks like or the last place they visited. Talk about what they like most about travelling or what places are on their bucket list.

Imaginative scenarios

“What if” open-ended questions are light-hearted and a good way to make your date feel comfortable. Want some ideas –

• What kind of superpower do you want?
• If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
• Where would you go if you had a time machine?

Enjoy your conversations

Whether it’s in person or on text, don’t panic if your conversation gets quiet. If you met your date on Even, go back to what you read on their profile to find talking points. Ease the pressure off yourself – you’ll have something new to talk about in a minute.

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