Relearn the art of seduction: Tips for single parents

Let’s be honest – being a single mum or dad is a real rollercoaster of emotions. It’s a journey filled with abundant love for your children, but there are also moments of uncertainty, weariness and occasional bouts of genuine sadness. Trying to juggle parental responsibilities, a busy professional life and a well-rounded personal life takes up a lot of time and energy. It’s no wonder that the whole seduction thing can feel downright daunting. In this article, we share our top tips on rediscovering your seductive charm as a single parent. We start by talking about organisation and self-reflection. That’s not what naturally springs to mind when you think of flirting and love. But stick with us – you’ll see where we’re going!

Seduction step 1: Embrace your new reality before rediscovering your seductive spark

You might think that the art of seduction is all about getting people to desire you. Maybe you’re imagining reading books with lots of tips and tricks for getting the man or woman of your dreams to fall head over heels. But being seductive starts with you!

That’s right. Before you even think about committing to a new relationship, it’s important to take time to catch your breath and get used to your new setup. Parenthood has brought some major changes to your daily life, whether it’s navigating shared custody or taking on full-time parental responsibilities. Use this time to get acquainted with your new financial, organisational and parenting landscape.

Find your flow with shared custody

Shared custody is a juggling act that many amazing mums and dads manage to pull off brilliantly. Adapting to this arrangement might take a little time – and that’s okay. It’s important to make this moment count! All the effort and energy you put in to making it work will pay off in the long run.

Ensure the custody discussions revolve solely around your children. It’s not about you or what happened during the separation anymore. Keeping the focus on the kids is the key to helping them adjust to shared custody. Forget the idea that if the other parent was once a bad spouse, they’ll automatically be a bad parent. That’s simply not true.

Balancing sole custody and personal time (to get yourself date-ready)

It’s crucial to establish realistic timetables that allow for dedicated moments without your kids. Plan for both the short and medium term. Do you need to travel for your work? How many days a month do you have to work overtime? If you spread yourself too thin and aren’t available when your children need you most, you’ll end up blaming yourself (and so might they!). Whether you have boys or girls, make sure you foster open communication and sprinkle in a healthy dose of humour to manage tensions and alleviate fears.

When you’re solo parenting, finding time for yourself, never mind dating, can be a huge challenge.A lot will depend on the age of your kids, but with a little organisation, it’s totally possible to carve out some precious me-time. Look for those moments in the day when you can squeeze in some time for yourself. Take advantage of the times when your children are busy with school activities, friends or play to put yourself first.

Whether it’s in the morning before they wake up, during their afternoon nap or in the evening after they’ve gone to bed, these precious moments present an opportunity to indulge in something you truly enjoy. Sure, it takes a bit of planning ahead, and sometimes you might need to nudge yourself a little to try something different. But if you don’t take the initiative, you might find yourself stuck in a rut where your only free time is spent on household chores, work or hobbies that aren’t exactly thrilling.

Be comfortable in your new routine

Now you’re managing the household on your own. Start by creating a new daily routine that considers both your parental responsibilities and your personal needs. Thinking about bedtimes and school drop-offs might not feel very seductive, but this is how you can make room for play in your busy life! Take some time to organise your schedule in a way that maximises productivity and allows for dedicated quality time with your children.

Next, take advantage of this time to assess your financial situation. It’s not the most enjoyable task, but it’s absolutely essential. Start by taking stock of your income and expenditure. Identify your financial priorities, such as your rent or mortgage, food and your children’s education. Once you have a clear picture, create a budget that aligns with your current reality.

You should also make sure your employer understands how valuable the time you spend with your children is. If they’re not willing to adapt to your schedule, you might want to think about looking for a new job that will give you the flexibility you need. While this may seem drastic, you’ll soon come to appreciate that respect for your work-life balance is a top priority.

 Seduction step 2: Find yourself to move on

Now that you’ve settled into your new life, it’s time to shift your focus back to yourself. Parenthood has a way of prioritising the kids, which can sometimes put your own well-being on the back burner. Don’t worry, we promise the person for you is out there. You just need to be ready to find them!

Say no to band-aid relationships

After a breakup, it’s common to see two contrasting tendencies: people who rush headlong into the search for love, often out of a need to fill a void, and those who decide to put aside any notion of dating or romance altogether. Both things are perfectly natural. It makes sense to want someone to share your life with, and it’s also natural to be worried about someone playing games with you after you’ve already been hurt. But there is a happy medium. A band-aid relationship happens on the rebound of a recent split. It’s where one or both partners are still grappling with issues from their previous breakup. You don’t need to stop dating altogether to find a high-quality relationship, but you do need to think about the kind of person you want to seduce.

This simple definition gives an indication of the toxicity that can come with band-aid relationships. By consciously choosing to avoid them, you give yourself the chance to prioritise self-care and heal any emotional wounds you may have. Investing time and energy in your personal growth, boosting your self-esteem and exploring what you truly desire in a relationship is far more beneficial.

Prioritise self-discovery before pursuing romance

Before you rush into a new relationship, give yourself time to rekindle your passions and personal interests. Explore new activities that will help you grow as an individual. This could be trying new hobbies, getting involved in sports, taking up courses or anything else that gets you feeling inspired!

Not only will this make you feel good about yourself, it will also help you develop your self-confidence. Remember, taking care of yourself and pursuing personal interests isn’t about being selfish; it’s about doing what’s needed to become the best version of yourself. At this point, you may be wondering how long it actually takes to relearn the art of seduction. Read on to find out!

Reflect on your past experiences

Time for some self-reflection! Your past plays a significant role in your present love life. From painful childhood experiences to messy breakups with exes, these events shape who you are today. Take a thorough and honest look at what you genuinely love, what you absolutely never want again and what you’re willing to accept.

Your past could also be to blame if you find yourself repeatedly stuck in similar situations. Patterns tend to repeat because they feel familiar and comfortable. Be aware of your weaknesses. We all carry baggage, and it’s important to acknowledge and address it as you enter a new relationship. Leave the past where it belongs so as not to sabotage future relationships.

Develop (real) self-love

While it might sound like a cliché straight out of a self-help book, there’s actually a lot of truth to it. To love others fully, you must first learn to love yourself. Easier said than done! It begins by recognising your inherent worth, embracing your true self and treating yourself with compassion.

Take the time to truly know yourself, acknowledging your qualities, strengths and even your flaws. Be kind to yourself and create moments of self-compassion. If it feels difficult, imagine how you’d want your own child to be treated and extend that same love and understanding to yourself.

Seduction step 3: Open yourself up to new dating experiences

Once you’ve adapted to your new life and discovered a newfound balance, it’s time to consider opening yourself up to new dating experiences or even just to a bit of friendly flirting with someone you fancy.

Use the right tools

Dating apps like Even have become powerful allies for remastering the art of seduction. These platforms offer you a way to connect with new individuals, explore shared interests and engage in flirtatious conversations with remarkable ease. Scroll through the profiles, be curious and be brave enough to make the first move by kicking off a lively conversation. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by the chemistry that can develop between all types of men and women, made possible through this modern approach.

You’ll come across people you never would have met otherwise, and this can lead to fruitful interactions and plenty of laughs with other singles. The beauty of these app experiences lies in their humour and light-heartedness. But don’t forget that behind all the laughter and fun chats, there are real people with their own dreams, emotions and expectations. So remember to keep it real and respectful in your interactions, even when things are light and fun.

How do I get started on a dating app?

Follow the golden rule: don’t pretend to be someone you’re not! For instance, if you’ve never been hiking, don’t claim to be a hiking enthusiast. Be true to yourself and don’t put yourself in an awkward position. Remember, most users on dating apps are looking for real people, so be the real you. Are you a girl who isn’t into make-up? Embrace it! Are you a guy who can’t stand football? Embrace that too! If you’ve learnt to love yourself (more), being true to yourself should come naturally and effortlessly!

When you’re starting a conversation with someone for the first time, don’t settle for a plain ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you?’, and don’t jump straight in with lines like ‘You’re so sexy, you must be a model!’ Make your message more engaging! Show that you’ve actually read their profile by commenting on something they’ve written. Or better yet, ask them a specific question.

Show some interest

Another way to spark a conversation is by discussing a topic that’s on everyone’s minds, such as an upcoming public holiday, a significant news event or something specific to your town. You can also tap into the playful humour that’s part of the dating app experience. Tell them a funny story about a date that went wrong or share your ideas on what to do for a first date. Whatever you do, don’t talk about the weather. Boring!

Also, feel free to chat with multiple people at once. It’s the best way to suss out who might be a good match for you. Take your time and be patient. However, once you’ve landed your first date, don’t spread yourself too thin by meeting too many people in person. Remember, seduction is an art, not an exact science. Be yourself and let things unfold naturally.

Choose wisely

Be selective when it comes to choosing a potential partner. You’re a single parent, so it’s important to find someone who truly understands and respects your family responsibilities, even if you’re not necessarily looking for a long-term relationship.

Communication is key in the art of seduction. Don’t be afraid to discuss your expectations and values with your potential partner, especially if you’re seeking a long-term commitment. Ask questions to gauge if you share similar views on parenting, lifestyle and future aspirations. Being in sync when it comes to these aspects is pivotal for establishing a strong and harmonious relationship. At the same time, remember to keep these conversations light and natural. You don’t want to scare them off!

Having the ability to say ‘no’ is crucial for fostering healthy relationships. If you detect signs of incompatibility or a lack of respect towards your role as a parent, don’t be afraid to end the relationship. Establish clear boundaries and step away from relationships that fail to meet your expectations.

Lastly, make sure to take your time and really get to know the person before making any emotional commitments. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and rush into decisions. But it’s important to be cautious and think things through to avoid making choices you might later regret. After all, what’s the point of mastering the art of seduction if it leads to unhappiness?

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