Single parents, how do you go about meeting someone ?

Each month, we publish a letter from a single parent who wrote to us to share their questions, doubts or sorrows.

I think the last time I was tempted to write to an agony aunt, it was because of my huge crush on Joshua in year 11 at Bridley High School. That was definitely a story of unreciprocated love as I was suffering from a bad case of “tongue tieditis” and never said a single word to him. Since then? I’ve had a few relationships, the most recent of which lasted 13 years which I can sum up in 3 words: marriage, kid, divorce.

“I was suffering from a bad case of “tongue tieditis” and never said a single word to him”

And after a few months of appreciating my newfound peace and quiet (not a total rest, I assure you, as my daughter makes sure that I don’t get too much of a break), I wanted to meet new people. Except that, when you work all the time and have almost sole custody of a child, the opportunities to flirt (or be flirted with) are limited.

So I kept it simple and I have to say that getting on a dating app after my divorce was like an all-you-can-eat buffet after being on a long diet. I remember the excitement of the early days: choosing the app, downloading it, getting to know it. And the first waves of anxiety (yes, I’m getting carried away) I had when trying to describe myself in just 2 lines! You try to sum up 36 years in less than 120 characters without just writing: divorced mum.

And that’s before we even get on to the struggle of finding a photo of me that’s flattering (not counting the one from summer 2009 when I was tanned, well rested and with a few less curves) but still true-to-life (my self-confidence has clearly been undermined in recent years).

“You try to sum up 36 years in less than 120 characters without just writing: divorced mum.”

And suddenly, there I was. Ready to click, scroll, chat, match and maybe… meet someone special? Not so simple. I came to realise that my ‘status’ as a mother wasn’t going to make my life any easier. Usually, when asked “What are you doing tonight?”, at the beginning, I was honest (making a cake for school, a game of Uno, parents’ evening at school, etc.) while my match talked about seeing a movie, spontaneously grabbing a drink at 10 PM on a Monday and so on. And when I finally decided to meet someone in person, it really took the biscuit: I had warned him that I’d be late because the babysitter was stuck in traffic and my daughter was being a bit clingy: the guy sent me a message saying “It’s not going to work, you seem to be super busy”. Seriously?!

“I came to realise that my ‘status’ as a mother wasn’t going to make my life any easier”

After that, I decided to take my time and take some time for myself. For a few days now, I’ve been at it again, without any pressure. I enjoy being flirted with, it boosts my confidence and that’s something. Moreover, the disenchantments of the beginning have also allowed me to know better what I want/don’t want any more and to be sure of one thing: my daughter will always come first and I’m not afraid of admitting it! Now I just need to find the right person to share my life with.

Good luck to all single parents!

Becky, 36 years old, single mum.