How can you develop your self-confidence?

We often hear that self-confidence is the key to self-fulfilment. Indeed, having a good self-esteem makes us more open to others, but also more able to fight for what we hold dear, whether it that’s our values or our professional ambitions.

However, in everyday life, self-confidence is a fluctuating concept. It changes throughout the different periods of our lives, our experiences and our development. Between the famous “impostor syndrome” and all the advice to “be this, do that”, our self-esteem can be damaged…all the more so when we’re going through or have gone through a separation which may have damaged our confidence in ourselves and in others.

What is self-confidence?

Having confidence in yourself on a daily basis means having a realistic view of your own abilities. For many people, it means being able to appreciate yourself for what you are, being aware of your good qualities as well as your faults… and focusing on the former rather than the latter.

What often makes the difference between a person with high self-esteem and one who lacks self-confidence is often this ability to highlight their skills and assets rather than their weaknesses. In short, seeing the glass as half full rather than three quarters empty when it comes to comparing one’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s about having an ability to move forward, to a positive self-image and believing in yourself.

Like many things, self-confidence is first and foremost a feeling, a way of looking at life and positioning oneself in the world. It’s a willingness to move forward and believe in yourself.

How to combat low self-confidence

For many men and women, having self-confidence on a daily basis can be a real challenge. This lack of self-esteem can have different causes and origins: our relationship with our parents in childhood, the ups and downs of life, the emotional wounds we have experienced in our relationships. Fortunately, it is possible to regain self-confidence.

If you feel that your self-esteem is declining, here are some tips to help you regain your confidence in yourself, in life and in others:

• Set achievable goals for yourself: Whether it’s getting back into sport or moving towards your personal goals, it’s important to set achievable goals for yourself. Little by little, you will see that you can achieve a lot. These small accumulated successes are the key to moving towards your goals and regaining confidence in your ability to succeed.
• Don’t compare yourself to others: This is hard, when you live in the age of social media… But it’s been shown that constantly comparing our lives to Instagram models has a significant negative impact on our self-esteem No more comparisons!
• Say NO to limiting thoughts: “I won’t make it”, “I’ll never find someone”, so many thoughts that many single people have every day and that have nothing to do with the facts of reality! Refusing to listen to these thoughts and detaching oneself from them when they come to us is one step toward regaining control over your self-esteem.

• Take care of yourself: Taking time for yourself when you’re a single parent isn’t always at the top of your priorities. But both solo mums and solo dads have the right to take care of themselves. Going to the hairdresser, starting a diary, reading self-help books or getting coaching can be the start of a confidence boost.
• Look at your failures as opportunities to learn: “There are no failures in life, only lessons,” said a wise man.
• Take action: and that’s even if you aren’t sure what to do. The doomsday scenario playing out in your head is unlikely to come true. The best way to find out for sure? Take action despite your fears!

Recovering your joie de vivre and self-confidence after a breakup

A separation can bring up its share of fears and doubts. If you feel that you will never find love again, or that your last relationship left you feeling like a failure, it’s important not to let these misconceptions get to you.

• Take your time: Most single men and women need time after a breakup to fully regain their balance. If you need it, don’t rush headlong into finding a new relationship. Instead use this time to take care of yourself, reconnect with yourself and what helps you feel confident outside of love.
• Put curiosity first: In love, we often tend to be adamant about what we’re looking for. This is obviously a good thing, but when you feel ready or willing to meet new people, choose curiosity over grand plans. You may not immediately meet someone who give you crazy butterflies, but by being curious you leave room for a certain lightness that avoids disappointment. And that’s great for your self-confidence.

Like many things, self-confidence is first of all a feeling, a way of seeing life and positioning yourself in the world. An ability to move forward and believe in yourself.

Self-confidence: taking a bite out of life

The art of self-confidence can be cultivated. With a few exercises, a dose of goodwill and a deep desire to regain self-confidence despite the trials of life, anyone can regain their self-esteem. Asserting yourself and loving yourself are the fundamental keys to blossoming and regaining confidence in others. More than that, regaining your self-esteem will allow you to embark on new adventures (in love, or not), and will change the way you look at the world, at work and at home. Come on, believe in yourself: we do.