Single Parenting: Navigating the complexities of parenthood

There’s no easy way out; there’s no shortcut home. This song from Sylvester Stallone’s famous ‘Rocky’ franchise rings true for you and me when navigating through life’s bumpy road.

One such bump many of us face these days is single parenting. Being a single parent is challenging as you manage everything yourself, instead of as two parents working together. But the bright side is you get more time with your children than if they had another parent around!

It’s necessary to understand the benefits and challenges of single parenting. You will then realise it’s possible to eat your cake and have it too – if you strike the right balance between dating and parenting. Let’s dive into the details to help you go about solo parenting like a pro.

What are the benefits you enjoy as a single parent?

So let’s skip… we mean, start with the good part. Here are some of the many benefits of being a single mom or dad

• You are the commander-in-chief: Well, your house is not a military branch, but you are still in command. As a single parent, you are the only one empowered to make all the parenting decisions in your family. It’s normal to initially feel a little intimidated by this huge responsibility. But with time, you will get better at choosing the best options for your child, from selecting the school your child will attend to their food choices, what and where to shop, and the list goes on and on.
• Your child will be self-reliant at an early age: Solo parenting means you have to tackle almost all the tasks by yourself. Let’s face it, you are no superhero! So the best way to live life without going crazy is by involving your kid in daily planning and decision-making, making them self-reliant early on.

Consider your child’s opinion on simple household matters. Which veggies should we get this week? What haircut would you like this summer? Working together as a team will make your child feel important while instilling a sense of responsibility.

• You take full ownership of your financial affairs: As a single parent, you also have total control over your money. Feel like a pizza party? Go for it, as you are the boss of your finances. With proper money management, you can always make room for indulging on special occasions. Your child will also learn the importance of managing money wisely by observing your efforts.

Which challenges are single parents likely to face?

Yes, parenting is hard – even more so for a solo parent. You may feel there’s always so much to do in caring for your child, home, and finances, with little support,and time just flies by. Acknowledging that this is what it is will help you handle these challenges better.

Here are some of the challenges you may encounter as a single parent, and a few tips on how you can deal with them:

• Financial struggles: Juggling many jobs to make money can affect not just you but your kid’s physical, mental and emotional well-being. Keeping a budgeting journal is one way to balance your income and expenses.
• Loneliness: It is natural to feel sad and lonesome despite having your kid with you. Make yourself a priority and set a time every week to meet your close pals and make new friends.
• Aggressive Behaviour in Kids: Even with you doing everything to make your child feel secure and valued, your child may react with hostility. Try to talk heart-to-heart with your kid to understand their underlying sentiments and what is troubling them.
• Difficulties finding childcare : It can be hard to find someone that you trust and is reliable to watch your kids while you’re at work.

What resources are available to help single parents balance parenting and dating?

Just because you’ve been there and done that, re-entering the dating pool is no less daunting for a single parent than the first time. But with a positive attitude and a few pointers, juggling parenting and dating will be child’s play!

• Date with a clear perspective: Step into the dating world only when you feel ready. Most importantly, love yourself, figure out what you want in a partner, and take time to get the hang of dating rules in a changing world.
• Communicate with your children: It’s best to discuss your dating plan with your kid, as you wouldn’t want them to find out from others and make them lose trust in you. But remember, it’s your life, so the final decision should also be yours.
• Spend quality time with your kid: Make sure you spend quality time with your child doing things together, like watching a movie or playing games. As long as they feel loved and cared for, they will be more open to accepting your decision to date.
• Specify clear limits with your date: Limits help you balance your time and shield you and your kid from pain. Whatever your rules are – meeting your date only on weekends or getting home before midnight, let your date know that this is important for you.
• Ask a trusted family member or friend to take care of your kid: When going out on a date, ask someone you know and trust to look after your child and maybe take them out too. This way, you don’t feel guilty leaving your child at home.

What are some tips for finding time for yourself as a single parent?

You might have heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. So taking care of yourself, relaxing and being at peace will help you tolerate life’s daily challenges and be more patient and understanding with your child.

Here are a few simple ways a solo parent can get “me” time:

• Establish rules for your kid so they don’t do anything dangerous.
• Spend a little time each day with your kid to maintain your peace of mind.
• Compliment and reward your child for good actions to make good manners a habit.
• Reserve 5 minutes daily to listen to your favourite song or a podcast, enjoy a cup of coffee, take a walk and enjoy a few deep breaths of fresh air, or talk to someone.
• Follow a strict bedtime routine for kids so you can get some time each evening for yourself and use this time to relax.

How to Find the Right Partner for a Single Parent

As a single mom or dad, you should remember that all your decisions affect your kid. However, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner who loves and respects you and brings out your best.

• Make it clear to your partner that your child is your priority and is part of the relationship.
• Clear communication is the key to a successful relationship, so you and your partner should get everything out in the open.
• Choose someone who accepts your past and gives you time to heal before commitment.

How to Build Positive Relationships with Your Child as a Single Parent

The parent-child relationship hugely influences the child’s future relationships. Being a solo parent, building a positive relationship with your child can be demanding but is extremely important for both.

• Show love at every opportunity you can;
• Listen attentively to them;
• Build trust and mutual respect;
• Show them they are your priority.

Q&A