How do men flirt if they mean it seriously?

Guy meets girl at a nice guy at a party, on holiday or on the bus. You immediately get on like a house on fire. He’s flirting with you and makes it clear that he’s interested. Is he just enjoying a bit of playful banter, does he just want sex or is there more behind it? Read this article to discover how can you tell whether he’s being serious or if he’s just after a one-night stand.

When a man’s flirting with you, you can tell what he’s after by looking at three things: his behavior, the way he’s communicating and his body language. As much as we might like to believe differently, we only have limited control over our body language. In other words, he might unconsciously be telling you more than he’s saying.

Behavior can be observed, and you can deduce certain things from what you know about a guy. For example, a single father might already have caught your eye. If that’s the case, you can probably assume the intentions behind his flirting are serious. He’s used to taking responsibility and always has his children’s wellbeing in mind. If he tells you about his children or you have the chance to meet them, that means he can imagine taking things further with you.

How can you tell that men are flirting? Seven flirting signals that reveal his interest

As a single mother, you might be a bit rusty when it comes to flirting and dating. So, let’s start by looking at how men actually flirt.

•   Eye contact: a stranger spends ages gazing into your eyes? Or is someone casting longing glances in your direction from a distance? Maybe a guy holds your gaze for a striking amount of time during a conversation. All of these are sure signs he’s interested. Do you feel the same way? Don’t look away!
•   Smiling: if he’s not just looking deep into your eyes but also smiling lovingly or truly beaming, he’s giving an unmistakable sign that he’s interested in you. Don’t overthink this one! If his facial expression seems friendly and happy, he probably really is happy to be talking to you!
•   Head positioning: a slightly tilted head during conversation is a sign of flirting. This is an example of unconscious flirting behavior: he probably doesn’t even realise he’s doing it!
•   Body positioning: as soon as you’re near, your flirting partner draws himself up. He makes sure to pull his shoulders back and might be standing strikingly straight. This means he’s presenting himself as self-confident, strong and manly. This is all part of how men flirt: he wants to impress you.
•   Unease: he might appear unusually nervous. He might struggle to sit still, or be wriggling around in his seat. He might gesticulate a lot, showing he hardly knows what to do with his energy. Being nervous might not seem like a good thing, but a lot of people get self-conscious around someone they really like. Remember, if you like him, you’re probably a little nervous too!
•   Turning to face you: his torso and toes are turned to face you. He might be standing a little bit closer than usual. His arems aren’t crossed across his chest, and maybe he’s even reached over to touch your shoulder casually. All told, his body language is open and his energy is directed at you: this is also a clear sign of interest.
•   Clothing: is he smoothing down his t-shirt? What about picking invisible fluff off his jacket? He might also fix his hair or touch his beard. This shows that he wants you to like him.

Five types of flirty behavior – is he really being serious?

In practice, men can be divided into five overarching different kinds of flirty personalities. However, you can’t always use this to tell how serious their intentions are. Often, a man will fall into multiple categories. Don’t forget that a self-confident man will approach women in a different way from a shy man. This doesn’t mean that shy guys aren’t interested! It’s important to take every man on his own terms and try to understand what he’s communicating.

These are the five general types of flirts:

•   the body-focused flirt
•   the playful flirt
•   the polite flirt
•   the traditional flirt
•   the serious flirt.

The body-focused flirt doesn’t lose a moment: he approaches you directly and self-confidently. He doesn’t wait long before he starts touching you. He beams at you, touches your shoulder or takes your hand. His open body language shows that he finds you stunning. Remember, just because someone is body-focused doesn’t mean they should be touching you more than you like, or making you uncomfortable. This is about someone whose love language is physical, not someone who doesn’t respect boundaries!

Jokes and fun are top of the agenda for the playful flirt. He takes you by the arm and makes you laugh. His cheerful, straightforward manner makes him just fun to be around. He loves a bit of a sparring match and enjoys a moment of naughty repartee. Sometimes a playful flirt might engage in a bit of banter and even gently make fun of you. He isn’t doing this to make you feel bad or bring you down, and in fact he probably hopes you’ll give as good as you get!

The polite flirt displays less self-confidence. He’s a little more shy and avoids prolonged eye contact. If you look straight into his eyes, he might even turn his gaze away from you. This is a sign of shyness, not disinterest. He might not make the first move and strike up a conversation because he wouldn’t want to bother you. He doesn’t want to appear pushy. If you like a shy, polite flirt, you’re best off taking the initiative yourself. Don’t worry if you’re a little more confident and outgoing – a balanced dynamic with different energies can be a lot of fun!

The traditional flirt has a totally different M.O.: he sets store by classic role models. As a man, he makes the first move. He likes it if you let him take control, seeing himself as a strong protector and a provider for his family: he doesn’t like it when women take the initiative. This guy wants to behave like a gentleman. He’ll pay for dinner and open the car door for you, but he might be a little bit slower to make things physical. If you’re looking for a more traditional relationship dynamic, definitely let this guy do his thing!

The serious flirt only approaches you with the best of intentions. If he starts to flirt, it’ll only be because he’s really interested. Conversations with him are deep. He’s looking for his soulmate. He doesn’t think there’s any point in casual flirting and affairs. Sometimes it might even be hard to tell that this guy is flirting. You might feel like he sees you as a friend, or wonder why things aren’t moving faster. On the other hand, you don’t need to worry about him wasting your time.

How do men communicate that they’re serious about you?

Is your flirt a player looking for a bit of fun? Or can he imagine more with you? Is he looking for someone to fill his time, or someone to build a life with? Is he going to want to spend time with your kids, or will he find them an annoyance? All of this can be revealed by his behavior early on. Does he look at you while you’re talking? Is he focused on you? This is a great sign that he’s serious about you. In these moments, you’re at the centre of his world: his attention is totally fixed on you. On the other hand, is he texting other people while you’re together? Does he take a long time to respond to your texts, or repeatedly show up late for dates? Life happens, but if there’s a pattern of him not giving you the attention you want, then you need to listen to your gut.

A man who finds you attractive and appealing looks at how you act when he tells you something about himself. Does he make a joke? He’s hoping to make you laugh. Has he told you about a special success at work? He’s looking for your admiration. He wants you to like him. Women sometimes underestimate how much men want their approval. If you like this guy, don’t be afraid to tell him!

He’s emotionally open towards you

If your flirting partner can imagine a relationship with you, he’ll tell you about himself. He gives you insights into his life. This doesn’t take the form of a lengthy monologue. Instead, he includes you, making sure you’re listening, asking a question from time to time or seeking your opinion. In short, he communicates with you on a genuine level. Minor weaknesses might come to light as part of this. He wants you to get to know him, his values, interests and goals. Openness is part and parcel of this. He might still be trying to impress you at the beginning, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you don’t feel like he’s ever willing to be vulnerable around you, though, that might be a sign that he’s not taking things seriously.

He asks questions and listens

“What are your hobbies?” “What do you like doing with your kids?” “What do you think about that?” A man who asks questions is interested in you as a person. This is also shown by the fact that he listens carefully to your answers. In other words, he’s not just waiting for you to stop talking so he can keep going with what he has to say.

When you next meet, he’ll remember details of your previous chats. He might go into further detail or bring up your previous chat. He might even recall your clothes or haircut. This shows how closely he’s looking at you – and that he likes you, as a woman.

He takes time for you

There’s a big sports event on the horizon. He’s actually already got weekend plans. Nevertheless, he’s got time for you when you reach out. If you need his help to build a cupboard or fit new tyres, he’s there for you. When you’re together, he seems to have all the time in the world. He doesn’t seem rushed or stressed. You’re the most important thing to him – and he makes that clear. If he really can’t do something you’ve suggested, he’ll apologise and offer something else you could do together instead.

The new man in your life has little time for you? Does he keep postponing your dates? Does he only reply to messages after a while has passed, or not at all? In this case, you should doubt his intentions. If his job, friends and hobbies are more important than you, the relationship with you is no longer in first place. He might not yet be sure what he really wants. Or he see you as someone he’s not really committed to. Remember, you shouldn’t feel like you’re having to chase someone. If a serious relationship is on the cards, you’ll both be excited about making time for each other.

He uses pronouns like “we” and “us”

If you’ve known him a while and you’ve been flirting for a good amount of time, you can see his intentions in the way he expresses himself. Does he only say “I”? Then he doesn’t see you as a couple. If he includes you by talking as “we” and “us”, he sees you as a firm fixture in his life.

This is also evidenced by your partner including you in his future plans. He asks when and where you want to head off on holiday. He’s interested in your opinion when changes are afoot that also impact you, whether that’s a new job, a transfer or a promotion. He talks about you with his friends and family and cares what you think of them. This shows he doesn’t want to lose you.

He introduces you to his kids

If he’s just looking for a bit of a flirt, sex or a casual fling, he likely won’t be keen for you to have contact with his family. In that case, you’ll probably meet in public, in places where he isn’t likely to run into people he knows. He won’t invite you to meet his friends or family.

Have you got to know his children or does he talk a lot about them? Have you met him and his kids at the playground? Does he invite you over? Introducing a romantic prospect or partner to your kids is a big deal, so don’t worry if he doesn’t do this right away. What matters is that you’re able to have a conversation about it, and you feel like he takes your desire to be part of his life seriously.

If his kids are a big part of what you two talk about, he’s sharing a bit of his world with you. Maybe you’re a mum yourself. If so, it’s really important that there’s good chemistry between all of your children so your “patchwork” or “blended” family can grow smoothly.  In this case, it’s a good plan to do things with the whole family. This could take the form of a group picnic, a trip to the zoo or a day by the lake. There’s no need to rush this, but being able to talk about it and discuss excitement and concerns is a sign that he’s serious.

What body language do men display if they’re being serious?

People can’t not communicate. This insight comes courtesy of Austrian communications expert Paul Watzlawick. Even if we’re not expressing ourselves verbally, our body language reveals what we think of our interlocutor. We can’t fully control our gestures and facial expressions: lots happens automatically and unconsciously.

These three signs will show whether a man’s being serious.

1.  He can’t take his eyes off you

When you’re talking to you, he’s always looking straight at you and appears to be lost in your eyes. The eye contact is intense. He gives you a genuine, open smile that reaches all the way to his eyes, not just the corners of his mouth.

2.  His body is turned towards yours

When you’re near, his body language is open and he turns towards you. He might even lean towards you when speaking. His toes and shoudlers are pointed towards you. His body language signals that he’s fully focused on you and your conversation. He doesn’t get distracted by his phone or things happening around you: his focus is solely on you. He doesn’t cross his arms across his chest or lean away from you.

3.  He “speaks” with his hands and feet and tries to be near you

When he emphasises his words with hand movements and is buzzing with energy, that suggests he’s really interested in you. He’s visibly happy, excited and full of joy.

He might also touch you on the hand, arm or shoulder. This physical contact might seem to be pure chance (really, it’s anything but!). Your date might also take the opportunity to help you put your coat on or link arms with you so you both fit under his umbrella. He wants to be physically close to you and is testing out how that feels. Plus, he’s likely trying to find out how you’d respond to that.

While he’s doing this, he’s loving, cautious and in no way overbearing. His touch is focused on innocuous parts of the body. He won’t try to kiss you right away – by the time he’s ready to go for it, you should both be feeling ready and excited. You might even be the one who makes the move, and that’s ok!

How do men behave if they only want sex from you?

A man who’s only looking for sex doesn’t waste any time with communication when getting to know you. He gets right down to the matter at hand. With online dating, in particular, it’s easy to tell the difference between genuine interest and sexual interest. Your flirting partner might ask you what you’re looking for and what your preferences are in the first or second message. Or he wants to know what you’re wearing right now. This is an unmistakably clear sign that he’s not after love or a relationship.

But there are even more subtle signs that he’s thinking of a one-night stand with you:

•   He avoids conversations. He doesn’t ask about your life. He’s not bothered about getting to know you or your kids and isn’t interested in other aspects of your life, either. Even if you talk a lot, he’s always going on about himself and his own life.
•   He tends to make plans with you for the evenings, preferably at his own home. Or he books a hotel room.
•   He doesn’t introduce you to his family or friends. You know next to nothing about him.
•   He only compliments your appearance, never anything about your personality or other qualities.
•   He rarely, if ever, goes out in public with you. If you go away together, he’ll check out other women. Or he brags to his friends about your sexual escapades. If you do go out with this kind of guy, he makes sure to take you to a bar or club where you won’t run into anyone you know.

This all suggests that he doesn’t imagine a partnership with you. Instead, he wants no-strings sex.

Summary

You can tell whether a man is flirting with you by looking at his behavior, the way he’s communicating and his body language. Depending on what kind of a flirt your dream man is, his advances may differ. It goes without saying, of course, that some people fall into multiple categories. Serious intentions are most clearly shown by his approach to communication. Does he initiate conversations with you? Does he share his thoughts with you? Does he include you in his future plans and does he talk about “we” and “us”? If so, he can imagine a relationship with you: he’s not just looking for a woman for a night or a fling.

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